please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize