She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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