I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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