Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
