i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
someone owes me an orgasm
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
