My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone came in the potted fern
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize