forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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