I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
