Betty ford says i'm here all night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
