Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
