i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
