Nicole vs. Life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
