Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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