You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
