Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
