This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
