We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize