I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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