You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
