Apparently you make a good broom.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
