I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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