My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
