He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize