I want to have your abortion
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
