yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize