Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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