was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We need to rekindle our bromance
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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