Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
