Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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