Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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