so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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