I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
