she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are we still banned from the library?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
