Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am full of burrito and curiosity
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
