Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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