isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
