beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
