It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
