I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
