I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's blow job season.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize