were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
