did you get engaged???
a search helicopter?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
