She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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