I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
