Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize