I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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