Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize