Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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