Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize