Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
