I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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