apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
