I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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