you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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