I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
