he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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