alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize