There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
