i may or may not be watching the land before time
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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